I asked my wife Pam if she would share some of her thoughts about being in debt. We both lived through our difficult financial times together.

Being in Debt from a Woman's Perspective

Things can be at their darkest when you owe money. It doesn't have to be a lot of money but it's more that you can easily pay back. Money has a way of consuming our lives. Many say that "money is the root of all evil". Money can also make your life much easier but are you truly satisfied when you have all the money you need. Can you ever have all the money you need? Our wants always seem to out weigh how much money we have. The more we make the more we seem to spend. Our dreams get bigger and our money is still tight. What we once thought of as extravagant is now a necessity. When does the cycle stop? It stops right here and now.

Now is the time to think about what you really need. What is important in our daily lives? One of the most important things to have is shelter for you and your family. Can you afford the place you are currently living in? What would it take for you to stay in your current situation? I know it's scary to contemplate moving from your current residence, it's your home, you have memories there, you have friends and your children are happy there. But is the structure you currently live in your home or did you make it your home? Where did you live before, were you not happy or maybe happier there? Was the residence you had before a nice home? Think about it. What makes a home? Is it the size, the location, furniture? No, you home is what you make of it. Just like a recipe for dinner. Before you put all of the ingredients together they are not the meal you planned. The same is for your home. Without your family members, pets, and even yourself there is no home, only a structure to be made into a home. Moving the family from one structure to another keeps the home intact. I'm not saying that there won't be adjustments but you are the home.

It's true the woman usually is the nucleus of the family. She is the rock that everyone depends on. But what do you do when you feel the rock is starting to crumble? What I find is helpful is to create a Gratitude Journal for what you are grateful for. No matter how bad your day was list at least five things that you are grateful for. They can be as simple as "a roof over my head", "a warm bed" or "a hot cup of tea." You don't have to write a book, bullet points are fine, as long as you know what they mean. Do this every day for one month and look back over what the most important things were. Were they money? The actual house that you live in? What really matters in your life? Then think about why you think money is so important to you. How would you survive with no money at all? What would you do? What would you take with you? Can you really be happy without money?

Being grateful for what you have makes what you don't have seem not as important. Life is short and if you go around dwelling on what you don't have you will never be happy. If you are grateful for what you do have you'll be surprised at how genuinely happy you are and how money doesn't to be as important. Life is about choices and if you are happy you will usually choose the right path.

Being a wife and mother can be the greatest gift there is, it can also be the most frustrating thing on earth. Knowing what your family wants and needs is the most important thing of all and that is You. What you give to your family is priceless. Love and compassion are all they need and you have it to give. When you give love it comes back to you more than money ever will. You may not be able to afford to give them the most popular new shoe style that they want. But if you are understanding, loving and compassionate and not take out your frustration of not being able to give them what they want, you can give them what they need. Explaining your situation to your children can be positive. Don't frighten them but be honest. I used to explain to my two year old daughter when she wanted something and I didn't have the money for it why I couldn't get it for her. Believe it or not they understand and have compassion for you even at that age. My daughter knew that if I had the money I would get it for her and when we could afford it, she would get something. Don't be embarrassed about your situation; there isn't anyone in this world that hasn't gone through tough times. You don't have to shout it from the roof top but don't keep it bottled up inside, it only makes it worse. Deal with it outright and you'll be amazed at what opens up to you.

Money like life is all about balance. You have to decide what you need instead of what you want. Keep your want list close at hand and reward yourself when you can. Just like you reward a child for doing good, reward yourself and your family for taking your finances under control.